More on Contemplation

Last week (or perhaps longer than that–I’ve lost track of time), I told you about the lessons I learned six years. ago.

Namely, I learned that busyness does not equal value.

And I learned how to be still.

As I focused more on my writing, this stillness and contemplation became a necessary posture to my artistic and my Christian life (which are one and the same–I only have one life to live [cue soap opera music]).

Side note: It’s funny how we talk about our spiritual life and our work life and our family life as if we have either (1) numerous lives or (2) split personalities.

Back to our regularly scheduled program: Learning stillness and contemplation did not mean that I never practiced contemplation before. It means I learned how to practice it in a different way.

In seminary, I often heard the complaint that the academic nature of the work detracted from the spiritual walk. In other words, how does charting the book of Joshua or memorizing Hebrew declensions or researching for an exegetical on a passage in Romans contribute to my "spiritual walk"? 

Let me first say that I believe these questions arise from a problem Schleiermacher contributed to with his heart/hands/head categories, though he was trying to address what we might call the ivory tower problem (to put things too simplistically).

The seminary, in attempts to bridge this perceived gap between academic knowledge and "spiritual walk" (which, in essence, is how we experience our relationship with God), created a program called Spiritual Formation, which emphasized community, identity, and ministry direction. Before I say anything more, you need to know that I heart this program. The relationships I made in this program mean the world to me and helped me grow in ways I never expected.

(Really, I’m digressing from my point about contemplation. Not that you should be surprised by my rabbit trailing.)

The problem has a deeper root: why would we consider "academic knowledge" separate from (and even contrary to!) our "spiritual walks"? And this brings me back to my original subject: my contemplative life.

Personally, I found seminary, with all of its academic rigor, to draw me closer to God and to his body. I met believers from all across the world and all across time both in person and through books and lectures. I learned from them. My studies, whether charting, parsing, memorizing, or calculating how many hours I could go without sleep, contributed to my relationship with God not because now I suddently had more information but because I contemplated each aspect, wondered about God’s creativity and creation, his actions throughout history, the hope of our future, and his continual work. These kings of Israel and Judah are intimately personal to me because they are part of my myth, my history.

Rewind another several years. In college, as a music major, I spent my days rehearsing with chamber groups or orchestras, practicing while couped-up in a tiny room, listening to symphonies for hours to understand the intricacies of the music. In short, I had no "life" outside of music.

Again, this did not preclude contemplation. Instead, this "musical life" drew me to the beauty of God and the beauty of the Imago Dei present in all humans.

I tell you this because, as Gina reminded me in the comments, different stages of our lives require different things of us. In college and seminary, I could not have the same time and stillness as I do now. But I did have contemplation. Contemplation is a posture and a mind-set that combats empty intelligence, value in busyness, and escapism. It is done both in community and individually. 

I expect that my life won’t always have the stillness I have now. But I make it my goal to maintain a sense of contemplation.

Postures of an Artist, Part I

"It is an appeal to Christians who aren’t artists to benefit from the contemplative life of the artist, to slow down, lower the volume, and experience what life and faith consist of below the surface. It is not a call to the life of an ascetic, one withdrawn from the life of the senses; the purpose of contemplation and reflection is to strengthen us for a productive life in society and culture."
- from Performing the Sacred: Theology and Theatre in Dialogue by Todd Eric Johnson

Six years ago, I walked across a stage, shook hands with deans and presidents, accepted a piece of paper that claimed I’d earned my Masters of Theology, and slipped my tassel from one side of the mortarboard to another. I said my goodbyes to friends off to save bodies and souls across the world, moved apartments, and began my highly lucrative and influential job as a receptionist in a surgeon’s office.

You’ve heard this story before. I’d given up a position with a church-planting team in Italy to see where this thing was headed with a certain man. (Spoiler alert: Certain Man became Husband, and I have never doubted nor regreted my decision.) I went from all-night exegeticals and all-day school and church work to a boring life. Suddenly, I had evenings free. I didn’t have to study at lunch. I didn’t have to multitask during my sleep.

In the United States, and in the evangelical camp of the United States, that meant I was wasting my life.

During this time, I learned the beauty of the contemplative life. I rediscovered my journal. On Saturday mornings, I filled my mug at the coffee house underneath my apartment, walked to the park across the DART tracks, and doodled. Or wrote meaningless sentences. Or prayed. Or sometimes just watched.

I have to work these days to maintain this pace of life, and I’m blessed to have a husband who supports this, even though it means I don’t make as much money as I might otherwise. Even though it means my house may not be spotless (I’ve made friends with the spiders). Even though it means sometimes I don’t have dinner ready until 8:30 or 9:00 at night.

Lately I’ve been considering the postures of an artist. People call me a free spirit, by which they mean corporate life makes me red (and I don’t mean Bolshevik). But this term doesn’t mean much to me because I depend on daily routine, daily gestures or postures. To many, my life is mundane. But it is only in this mundanity that I can create.

Mundanity requires discipline. It’s easier to fill my schedule with all these other good things. It feels selfish to say no. But trust me, you get used to it. Addicted to it. Because in that no is the time to contemplate. And contemplation is a necessary posture of an artistic life. Nay, contemplation, I’d venture to say, is a necessary posture of the Christian life.

Different stages in life demand different responses. There are times when we have to forego the time to contemplate for one reason or another. But too often, we succumb to filled calendars because this seems better to us. A full calendar means a productive life, importance, meaning. I’ve discovered, though, that a full calendar means lack of creativity.

Over half of the year in the liturgical calendar is devoted to ordinary days. We have times and stages for the celebrations and fullness of Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter. But most of our days are meant to be spent between these times in the mundanity of life.

In that mundanity I find contemplation. And only through that contemplation can I be the artist I want to be.