My Nemesis, Or Why My Next House Will Be a Tent

My Twitter friends may remember that sometime in September (or was it August?) I began degrouting our shower. The grout is original, which, while a high status in the art and fashion world, here means it’s sometimes missing and sometimes moldy. I felt I had to shower after stepping out of my shower.

And my Twitter friends may recall that this project may indeed be the death of me (see–I can pick up a good southern phrase). Classic tweets regarding the project include:

off to de-grout my shower! ()

wow. degrouting
so much faster after Chris fixed the tool and showed me I could be
rougher with it than I was. This is almost fun now! (
)

my hands won’t stop vibrating after using Dremel. I feel like a cartoon. ()

they ask me how I knew . . . grout gets in my eyes ()

guess I’m done
today’s grout work. Dremel not working again. At this rate, I’ll finish
by New Year’s in time for resolution to never do this (
)

Dremel bit snapped in half. Then my piano student stood me up. Lovely. (

Today’s
Cervantes’ b-day (or what they think is his b-day). It’s fitting I work
on the grout in honor of Quixote. It’s my personal windmill. (
)

You see the deterioration–from optimism, joking, even song (and, yes, dance) to suspicions of insanity. Yesterday, after over a month of absence (due in part to legitimate reason–travel), I returned to the degrouting project. 

To find the Dremel tool, once again, inoperable.

Okay, I can make lemonade (especially since we recently learned that our lime tree may be, indeed, a lemon tree). I’ll work on getting out the caulk with the hand saw.

Uh-huh.

And this is where I met my nemesis.

Some of the caulk–the caulk my husband added to the shower a few years ago, stripped away, no problem. Some of the caulk, which must be decades old, held firm. The saw doesn’t cut through it because the caulk is too putty-like. But neither can I peel it out because in that sense the caulk is too petrified (meaning hard, not scared).

You see my dilemna.

Removing the old caulk is harder than containing the blob in a thimble.

Which is why I’ve decided that I’m moving into a tent.

Indeed, the new earth cannot have mansions. Mansions mean upkeep, and who wants to regrout the showers?

Ramblings of a Dangerous Mind

Today’s catch words: authentic, gritty, relevant, edgy, raw, quirky. If these words are not in a review of your book or film, you know your work is no good. If these words are not in a description about your ministry, turn your collar in.

With that in mind, and in keeping with why my house is trendy, I give you my kitchen:


Consider:

authentic: this is me, completely me, all of me, nothing but me

gritty: obviously

relevant: what could be more relevant to people’s lives than the messes we create? (you can take that philosophically.)

edgy: don’t blindly dive your hands into the sink. serrated knives, you know.

raw: trust me on this one. you don’t want to know.

quirky: this mess no longer exists. this picture was taken at 2AM. by 3:30, the dishwasher was emptied, the dirty dishes cleaned, and the floors swept (we dogsat two dogs. lotsa fur.) i’m thinking of publishing an article, "ten things to do when you can’t sleep."

In short, the state of my house is the state of my mind. A clean house, you know one of three things is going on: I’m stuck on something with my writing; I’m irritated at something; I can’t sleep. And really the "can’t sleep" option stems from one of the former two. As Jeremy Begbie said, "Untidiness is not necessarily a mark of disorder." But don’t tell my husband about that saying. Who knows what he’ll do with it.

***

My family on both my side and my husband’s side considers me a health nut. How do you explain then that Sunday for lunch I had Kraft Mac-n-Cheese, yesterday for lunch I had ham and cheese on croissant, and last night for dinner I had eggs and popcorn? Of course, no partially hydrogenated oil was used in the preparation of any of the above items.

***

I’m a faux gardener. I love pretending. I love watching everything daily. I love my flowers and my vegetables and my fruit. The other day, I pulled a pesky weed. It turned out to be a flower. Reminded me of some parable somewhere.

***

I’m now on Twitter. One more way to procrastinate. One more way for you to know things about me that you don’t care to know. Should I SMS you from the bathroom? Do you want to know what I’m cooking for dinner? (Um, when I make dinner?) Should I inform you every time the phone rings (when I hear it, that is–I have a habit of leaving it on the other side of the house)? Nonetheless, here I am, heatheragoodman. Let me know if you’re twittering so I can follow you and tell me to pick up some avocados for me when you run to the market.

*** 

You’ve made it thus far in my ramblings, so you deserve a reward. Things of interest:

Literary agent Nathan Bransford is having a dialogue contest. The best written dialogue will win a query critique (or something else).

There’s a discussion about art and the creative process and what it has to teach us about God and ourselves.

There’s a lot of divide about Prince Caspian. Your take?